Impressions: X-Blades and Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad


The gaming industry’s got hoes, in different area codes.

X-Blades ~ a poor and lonely man’s Devil May Cry. I’ll admit, I was sort of looking forward to this game. After the disappointment of DMC4, my expectations of action games has been quite low. This game didn’t even live upto that. The first thing you’ll notice are the extremely clunky controls. And way too much light blooming, welcome to 2005 Gaijin Entertainment. Combat feels ridiculously slow, no thanks to the unnecessarily extended sword slashing animations. Also, shame on them for ruining the heritage of Gunblades.  Frame rates are very erratic, sometimes going upto 60~fps but mostly staying below 30. Worse than the voice acting is the attitude of Ayumi, what an irritatingly cocky bitch.


Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad ~ After being greeted by a wall of text for the background story, I played the game for 3 minutes before feeling like going back to the Dashboard. Not only are the controls very stiff and reminded me of playing RE2 back in the day, the camera is just as atrocious. Unlike X-Blades, the ‘budget title’ feel oozes from every crevice of this game.  From the PS2 quality textures to clipping in bosses during boss fights, to disgustingly rendered skimpily dressed girls (and jello boobies!), this game’s only redeeming quality is that localising for English voice overs was also cut out of the budget. The combat didn’t feel as frustrating at first either, where slicing through zombies was actually fun for 40 seconds. However, Gears of War has really spoiled me in the way I want to see blood and gore in my games now.


All said and done, I’d rather play the big daddy of all action games, ie Devil May Cry 3 and watch some porn afterwards, instead of playing these two games. Apparently the developers didn’t think the choice for consumers would be this obvious.


15 Responses to “Impressions: X-Blades and Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad”

  1. 1 DawnWar
    March 29, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    Buddy, you suck. You just and only suck. I really don’t think you actually played X-Blades. I think ya watched some vids and though: ‘Wow, breats.’ That is certainly all you did. The next time you write such shit, shove it up your ass instead of publishing it.

  2. 2 th
    March 29, 2009 at 11:49 pm

    Are you friends with the developers? Or have you not been reading the word on the tubes? My ass is already full of shit I’m trying to dump. Here’s some for you: http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/xbox360/xblades?q=x-blades

  3. 3 Josh
    May 10, 2009 at 1:33 am

    Is that a haruhi pic? That would make a awesome game ^^

  4. 5 ????
    November 27, 2009 at 10:42 am

    This is a matter of opinion, but I enjoyed both games. Onechanbara is a good stress reliever, simple violent hack and slash. X Blades has a new (to me) concept and I enjoyed Ayumi’s attitude. The graphics werent so bad either kinda like dead or alive. Yes I Agree GEARS set a new standard for gore.

  5. May 7, 2010 at 6:38 am

    X-Blades is a pretty good game, nothing over the top, but it does push the gaming genre of action packed adventure slash’em up games further forward regardless if it was average or sucked as long as it has more than basic action game mechanics and it does. The more people get and play games like this and support them more, the more Developers will pursue more, to make newer and better action packed adventure games, but arrogant nobodies like you self tare down and make false accusations and say games like X-blade and it’s self are shit and you just complain way to much and the rest of the dumb fuckers like your self cause the Developers to turn there eyes away from action adventure game projects like X-Blade because people like you scare all the developers and make them think it’s a bad idea to continue making games of this genre cause it’s not popular to brain dead fucks. So the more video game hater-z we have, the less action packed games we get. You fucking hater.

    I understand if you rant about a shitty game, but X-blade is not shity, it’s just as good as Devil May Cry or the Prince of Persia Series. I get equal enjoyment from them both, because they all three fail at letting us aim for are self’s.

    • 7 th
      May 7, 2010 at 10:54 am

      I you’re saying the X-Blades is as good as Devil may Cry and Prince of Persia series, well at least the good one’s amongst them, then I have nothing more to say to you. Your level of comprehending good level design and distinguishing good gameplay mechanics from something mind numbingly boring is quite understandable, given the way you write things and present your opinions in such an eloquent way.

      And if people like me stop developers from making “great games” like X-Blades, then good for all of us. This game tanked, and that doesn’t mean that other developers should stop making action games like this. Look at Dante’s Inferno, a half decent game and it did quite well.

      Regardless of what I say, your opinion of the game won’t change, and vice versa. You can go have fun with Ayumi, I’ll just be here preaching my “hatred” to more people.

  6. June 3, 2010 at 11:04 am

    It is a pity, that now I can not express – I am late for a meeting. I will be released – I will necessarily express the opinion on this question.

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